Category Archives: Snotty Comments on NYC Signs

Mocking double meanings and pretentious language on street signs and ads

Why I Love New York

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I love my city for many reasons, prominent among them its mix of cultures, with interactions that are not always easy but inevitably interesting. A few pictures to prove my point:

This was taped to the window of a small grocery store. For the non-Spanish-speaking, Buscamos means “we are searching for.”

This was on sale at an iconic NYC market:

Europe (French) plus South America (PERU) equals New York.

If you’re too busy to cook, you might consider eating this:

I have to wonder what they put in an Irish Bento Box.

Not so welcoming to Japanese food is this restaurant:

I’m not sure whether they sell NO SUSHI or refuse to sell it IF U DON’T HAVE I.D. (The subtitle for this photo should be “The Problem with Bulleted Lists.”)

In keeping with the pace of life in my hometown, I’ll keep this post short and reserve the signs for Russian mathematics, Brazilian Wax, Japanese dry cleaning, and German Kitchens for another international, New York day.

So close, but . . .

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Perfection is never a possibility when human beings are involved, as these signs illustrate. They came so close but — well, take a look.

This notice was posted on a public bus. (For non-NYers, I should explain that most east-west streets in Manhattan are numbered in ascending order from south to north.)

If this sign were accurate, the bus would go uptown from 1st Street to 14th, 23rd, 34th, and then loop back to 29th before proceeding northward to 42nd. Quite a route!

Here’s one from a going-out-of-business sale:

The 1/2 OFF is clear, but UP OT?

You may not be familiar with the retail chain associated with this truck, but let me assure you it does not sell ballet equipment:

Last one:

I’m not skilled enough to swivel the photo, so I’ll reproduce the product name and ingredient list here. Count the ingredients. PRODUCT: Three Cheese Mac & Cheese. Ingredients: American Cheese & Swiss Cheese. Maybe it’s UP OT Three Cheese?

Wishing you a prefect — er, I mean perfect — day!

Perfectly (Un)clear

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Because I’m a baseball fan, the Superbowl serves primarily to remind me that pitchers and catchers will soon report to spring training. That’s why I’m posting this puzzling clip from an article about a baseball game played last season:

I’ve read Lorenzen’s statement several times, and I still can’t figure out what he meant when he said that his miss needs to be in off.

Nor can I decode this pair of signs:

It’s clear that they sell CIGARETTES. In fact, they sell All brands of CIGARETTES. But I can’t figure out why NOW is underlined in the top sign and ALL in the second, or why there’s one line under the first CIGARETTES and two under the second. Increasing exasperation? Or does the store slap up a new sign every time someone asks whether they carry a particular brand?

Then there’s this ad. No problem decoding the first two lines, but the third is another story:

How, exactly, are feet relived? If they’re selling a return trip to an earlier era, sign me up. I’d like my feet to trek back in time to relive the early 70s. Maybe the 90s, too. Definitely not the 80s or most of this millennium. That much is clear, at least to me. How about you?

Construction. Sigh.

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I’ve just gone through an apartment renovation (minor) and am currently enduring construction above me (major) and on the bricks outside my windows (monumental). Not to mention the massive structure going up on my corner and … well, let’s just say I don’t have a happy view of construction these days. Construction signs, though, bring a smile to my face. This one, for example:

Duly noted. But I have to ask: How do the owners of this site know that children have been warned? And why do they think the kids will listen?

Here’s another helpful sign:

Nice of the Seattle Department of Construction and [Inspections] to inform the public that someone is building zero Units with zero Parking.

I paid special attention to this one because my nickname is on it, albeit spelled differently:

Question: Why is one word spelled correctly at the top (deliveries) and incorrectly at the bottom (deliverys)? Perhaps there was an un scheduled interruption while the sign was being proofread?

That’s it for now. With the holidays looming, I wish you all good things, whether they be scheduled or un scheduled.

Checking It Twice?

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We’re closing in on the season when Santa is, as the song goes, “making a list and checking it twice.” Good idea! Too bad these signmakers didn’t make these signs and check them even once. If they had, surely they would have noticed these unfortunate typos.

The first comes courtesy of my friend Barry:

Ouch. The operations themselves must sting, but surely a little warning would help?

This photo was snapped by Nathan, the son of one of my former students. It’s on a food cart parked in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art:

I sincerely hope no one obeys the command in the first two lines.

Here’s a screen shot I took when I was rug-shopping:

Quick question: Are the Stunning Patters made by little feet or a comedy-club emcee?

Another screenshot, from the website of a major hotel chain that should know better:

Take a close look at the third sentence, which I’ll reproduce here because the print is rather small: “Pop in, have a nap, (needs a comma) do a little laundry, take a shower, and relax in the stylish lounge before continuing on your journey.” Just what guests need in an airport hotel: a comma!

What I need, and what I suspect we all need as the holidays approach, is a bit of what these special days promise: the love of family and friends, the peace to enjoy their company, and the chance to express my gratitude for their presence in my life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Travels

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Travel enlightens the mind. Reading signs while traveling lightens the mood. I certainly smiled when I saw these! The first comes from my daughter-in-law, who snapped this photo in Japan:

How clever to warn walkers that someone may barrel into them unexpectedly! New York City should post this sign on every corner. Mid-block, too.

Here’s an intriguing subway placard:

I really can’t imagine what PRE-HEALTH might be. Is this something you study while you’re sick, preparing for the day when you’re not? Or do the courses cover recuperation? (Theories welcome.)

Now for a dance-school ad:

BABY MUSIC is as mysterious to me as PRE-HEALTH. Does this school enroll diapered dancers? Do they teach synchronized burping? (Theories welcome here also.)

I saw this one is in a public library:

Obviously, someone had a good time peeling off the letters S and C. I wish the peeler had left the C in place so I could watch library patrons peer downwards to the left in search of Santa helpers. Alternatively, I’d erase heck so the sign would urge readers to let their inner elves shine.

Whether you’re vacationing in a different country or walking through your own neighborhood, I wish you happy travels and encourage you to snap signs you see and send them to me.

No Easy Fix

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I generally get snarky when I see a odd turn of phrase, as everyone who has read this blog knows. Sometimes, though, I go into editor mode. How would I reword? Occasionally I’m stumped, as I was when this teaser popped up on my screen:

Books you should watch? I don’t think so! But if you move this description to follow TV shows, you solve one problem only to create another, because now you’ve got TV shows you should watch based on books. This version makes me think of viewers perched atop (based on) stacks of books. Also, in your lifetime implies there’s another viewing option. Does heaven offer streaming services?

Here’s a photo my friend Constance sent. It’s a advertisement for Coppola’s, an Upper West Side restaurant. Pay close attention to the bottom left:

If I were painting that sign, I’d place the apostrophe — well, I don’t know where I’d place it! Apostrophes and vertical words don’t easily coexist. Move the apostrophe one line up, after the A, and the S comes across as an afterthought. Drop it completely and you break a punctuation rule. What to do?

Another location problem:

The surf that was used for D-Day? Nope. The Allies didn’t take a surf from a damp warehouse and install it at the landing site. The best rewording I can come up with is developed a method used on D-Day for predicting the size of the surf — not a catchy phrase, for sure.

Okay, readers. It’s your turn. Revision suggestions welcome!

A Tiny Little Post

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Why are writers so drawn to repetition? Is it the worry that one word won’t get the meaning across? (Maybe that’s why “tense and nervous” is such a popular expression!) Granted, repetition can be beautifully emphatic and reassuring, but these signs go a little too far.

Here’s one I spotted on a restroom door:

I had intended to close door open before reading this sign, but I was persuaded to close door shut instead.

This notice frequently pops up when I’m scrolling through articles classified as “breaking news”:

New updates are so much better than old updates, don’t you think?

Now for a hotel ad:

What’s the difference between a short 5 minute walk and a long 5 minute walk? I’d like Einstein to weigh in on the relativity aspect, but he’s not available. Any physicist reading this post is welcome to offer an explanation.

This is the finish end of my post. Bye-bye.

Novid No More

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For more than four years, I was a “Novid” — someone who hadn’t had Covid. Two weeks ago, the little red line finally appeared on my test strip. Feeling not terrible but not great, I spent the short periods of time between naps examining the language of this disease. “I got Covid,” people say, but it seems more accurate to say “Covid got me.” Ditto for “catching”: I wasn’t standing around with a mitt, like a Yankee outfielder. The virus caught me.

As I recovered, I roamed around the Oxford English Dictionary, a word-nerd’s playground. The OED defines “contagious” as “”where the notion of mutual contact is present.” Notion? I didn’t get an idea. I got a sweaty, exhausting experience. Another definition of “contagious” is “charged with the germs of an infectious disease” — as if I’d run up a hefty credit-card bill (crowded subways, theater performances, restaurants) and now had to pay. Fair enough.

This wouldn’t be a proper Grammarian-in-the-City post without a couple of signs. Here’s one from the pre-vaccine era:

Why practicing? It’s not like playing the piano!

Here’s another, same time period:

Nice to know that you can stay on the sidewalk, but your FACE COVERING IS REQUIRED TO ENTER THE BUILDING. Not sure how FACE COVERING will get there, given the absence of legs, but hey, it’s REQUIRED.

Thankfully, that era is over, though Covid is not. We’ve learned to live with it — actually, to live through it, if we’re lucky. I am, and I’m grateful. I wish you good health!

What’s For Lunch?

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In my neighborhood, just about every store that isn’t a nail salon is a restaurant. Thus it’s not surprising that enterprising food purveyors do whatever they can to entice customers, including displaying these signs:

The price of one of these LUNCH SPECIALS ($15) isn’t unreasonable in New York City, especially considering that they’re offering WOODFIRED SANDWICHES, which are . . . well, I don’t know what they are. Bread charred by burning branches? Unemployed victims of forest downsizing?

My friend Catherine sent this one:

I had no opportunity to speak with the SANDWITCH, who I assume was selling a consultation lasting as long as it takes to drink a cup of FREE COFFEE. If I had, I would have asked about the accuracy of the spells in Harry Potter as well as the rationale for enclosing FREE COFFEE in quotation marks. Perhaps the brew isn’t actually COFFEE?

I should note that the prices listed below have increased since I snapped the photo:

Inflation or not, who could resist an offer to DESIGNED YOUR OWN SALAD? Also, 16 oz (ounces) equals one pound. Thus the restaurant is offering a one-, two-, or three-pound salad, each with 1 meat and unlimited vege. I must ask: Who has room for much (many?) vege after eating three pounds of DESIGNED SALAD?

Last one:

If Mom gets Fri, who gets all the other days? I’m a Mom, but I prefer Tuesdays. Can non-Moms get the LUNCH Special on Fri?

My advice is to choose a restaurant carefully, eat well, and in the spirit of today’s MLK holiday, find a way to work for a more just world.