Tag Archives: misplaced modifiers

Can You Describe It?

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How good are you at describing things? The people who wrote these labels, signs, and captions were — well, let’s just say they need more practice. First up is a celebrity marriage:

Harrison partially abandoned his wife? Poor Calista! Also, to prevent harm to whom? And how long does it take to vacuum an 800-acre home?

My friend Catherine sent me this one:

She doesn’t have an INDOOR CHICKEN. Her cats, on the other hand, might enjoy this product, whether it’s made from INDOOR or outdoor CHICKEN. And FORMULA? What does that mean in this context, other than expensive?

This sign makes me shiver:

Do you have a CITIZEN who needs DISPOSAL? I sincerely hope not, but if you do, this FACILITY is for you! (FYI: It’s posted at the entrance to the country dump.)

Many New York apartment buildings have doormen, who, presumably, are the intended customers for this business:

I’d always assumed they showered or bathed. I never imagined they put themselves through DRY CLEANING!

That’s all for today. Stay safe!

No Easy Fix

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I generally get snarky when I see a odd turn of phrase, as everyone who has read this blog knows. Sometimes, though, I go into editor mode. How would I reword? Occasionally I’m stumped, as I was when this teaser popped up on my screen:

Books you should watch? I don’t think so! But if you move this description to follow TV shows, you solve one problem only to create another, because now you’ve got TV shows you should watch based on books. This version makes me think of viewers perched atop (based on) stacks of books. Also, in your lifetime implies there’s another viewing option. Does heaven offer streaming services?

Here’s a photo my friend Constance sent. It’s a advertisement for Coppola’s, an Upper West Side restaurant. Pay close attention to the bottom left:

If I were painting that sign, I’d place the apostrophe — well, I don’t know where I’d place it! Apostrophes and vertical words don’t easily coexist. Move the apostrophe one line up, after the A, and the S comes across as an afterthought. Drop it completely and you break a punctuation rule. What to do?

Another location problem:

The surf that was used for D-Day? Nope. The Allies didn’t take a surf from a damp warehouse and install it at the landing site. The best rewording I can come up with is developed a method used on D-Day for predicting the size of the surf — not a catchy phrase, for sure.

Okay, readers. It’s your turn. Revision suggestions welcome!

On Location

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Perhaps as a consequence of being cooped in, I’ve found myself thinking about the importance of location. An example:

I snapped this photo during a pre-pandemic shopping trip to a department store. The store was in North America, and the escalator next to this sign was in limbo, or maybe the repair shop. Either way, an elevator in CHINA was not in any way a convenience.

Moving on to another sort of location:

Et tu, New York Times? I thought I could count on my hometown newspaper to place descriptions in the proper location. I don’t know much about history or mathematical predictions, but I do know that the modifier that was used for D-Day should appear after method.

Another location problem, courtesy of my friend Ellie:

I can only conclude that whoever wrote this sign has really, really long arms.

Last one:

Say you’re driving a taxi. What happens after 46th Street? Does your passenger — or your car — go directly to jail without passing Go and collecting $200? Turn into a pumpkin? And what happens if you’re driving a couple or a group? Can your vehicle legally remain in bus lanes after 46 St?

This signs may be confusing, but one thing could not be clearer: the correct location in 2020 is socially distant. Stay safe and well!