Can we agree to give up on apostrophes? All together now: pry the key off the computer, excise the concept from your brain, and resolve not to write anything with a curved mark hanging next to a letter. Can you feel the relief? Never again will you have to critique a sign like this one:
This is not my dentist, but if I were in search of a new one, I would not rule out this fellow because the plurals are (gasp) written with apostrophes. Inserting punctuation is not the same as filling a tooth. Besides, apostrophe-less words are perfectly clear, most of the time. Take a look at this helpful sign from a clothing store:
On reflection, not very helpful. The sign is on the ground floor, surrounded by racks and tables displaying tee shirts and shorts for nonhuman life-forms (I can only assume, since the sign indicates that women’s, men’s, kids, and a single, solitary baby are accommodated downstairs). Back to my apostrophe point: If women’s were womens and men’s were mens, would shoppers be any more confused? I do admit that the lack of consistency is problematic. Anti-apostrophists like me could delete two bits of punctuation, and pro-apostrophists could add them. Both groups could pluralize the youngest age group.
This sign is also confusing, not just because of its punctuation:
I can ignore the PUSH / DO NOT PUSH issue, because (a) there’s a pandemic and (b) removing a decal from glass is not fun. What I can’t ignore is the !!! in the middle of a sentence. An exclamation mark is an end point. You get there and you’re done, unless you’re Panic! At The Disco, a band with an internal exclamation point that, perhaps not coincidentally, broke up a few years ago. Also, no one needs three exclamation points, especially now. We’ve had enough excitement for this millennium, thank you very much. Revised, much improved versions: Please DO NOT PUSH THE DOOR! or Please, do not push the door.
Perhaps the previous sign could send two of its exclamation points to the one below, sent by my friend Sean:
I would feel much more comfortable with an exclamation point after hunting. Even two. Much safer for everyone. Speaking of safe: please stay that way. Covid is still out there!
Geraldine, you are awesome!
I laughed out loud.
Look forward to each post.
Take care.
Steve
Thanks so much! I always look forward to your podcasts, which are both entertaining and helpful.
What about “kid’s” and “baby’s”? Tsk tsk, inconsistent.
Jeopardy! is my favourite TV quiz show.
Hunting pedestrians – reminds me of that movie, The Purge. You don’t wanna know.
Great finds all!
The Purge? I think you’re right, Ellie. Ignorance may in fact be bliss when it comes to that film!
To avoid the incongruity (Is this word appropriate for the situation?) of the first and second signs, apostrophes laws should be repealed. But considering enough, I decide to be all in favor of any punctuation or grammar rules: without them helpful and delightful books such as English Grammar for Dummies wouldn’t exist.
On the use of one or multiple exclamation marks in the middle of a sentence: the thrill is so great you can’t wait till you get to the end.
As for the hunting sign, well, I always disapprove of this kind of activity, either a human or an animal hunt.
Thanks for calling English Grammar For Dummies delightful! I like your comments very much, and I agree with you about hunting, although I must admit that I sometimes eat meat. That’s an inconsistency, I know.