My voicemail is rife with claims that my warranty (for a product I don’t own) is expiring. I frequently get “courtesy calls” about extending an about-to-lapse auto insurance policy. (I haven’t had a car since 1975.) Faceless, but unfortunately not voiceless, people claim to want to help me with social security, taxes, and credit card charges. The message I get is clear and most likely unintentional: Be wary of any and all claims. Like this one:
I accept the statement on the left, but not the one on the right. Do the shop’s tailors really wear gloves? If they do, how good is the tailoring? How often do tailors sew their gloves to the garment they’re altering?
I’m even more skeptical of this claim:
Sounds good, but that asterisked “No cost with most insurance” seems to contradict the massive FREE.
These three signs may be accurate, I guess. I have to guess because I don’t have a clue what whole refers to: the living room? house? football field? fingernail?
This last sign, sent by my friend Sean, makes a completely believable claim:
Good to know you can trust some claims. Just not all.
As for the third sign, I like how the exclamation mark doubles down on the fact that the store has whatever’s in stock. Could the second signmaker have misspelled h-o-l-e? It would make the statement grammatically correct, but begs the question of which one gets carpeted. The first signmaker was probably protecting against getting dinged by Ms. Woods for insufficient punctuation.
I also love your comments, Bill. I also love dinging signmakers for punctuation and just about everything else.
1) “sew the gloves to the garment” – Hahahahaha!!
2) Re FREE, totally agree re sneaky asterisk/fine print! Booo!
3) Carpet your whole/hole? As previous commenter said! Good grief! Maybe the sign in the last window fell down. But – surely they must see it? And fix it? Noooo, too hard!
4) This is of the School of Duh!
Great finds, Gerri!
Thanks, Ellie! The carpet store didn’t have space for another sign, so somehow they thought they had posted an actual, complete message. Scary thought.
Probably the shop forgot to mention “well-fitted” gloves.
Well-tailored gloves for the tailors!