I was on a train recently with a seatmate who delighted in telling me — through New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, and part of Maryland — that he wanted to be perfectly clear. Though I’d have preferred silence, I must give him credit: I understood exactly what he was trying to tell me. The same is not true for these signs:

What makes a Palm Special? If I were the sort of person who expected (or was ever offered) a bribe, a neatly folded hundred-dollar bill discreetly tucked into a Palm would be Special to me. What’s your take on Special Palm?

If you felt anxious trying to figure out the previous sign, this one offers help:

My muscles tensed up when I saw muslces. It’s worth noting that this ad appeared professional. The photography and layout were top notch. Too bad the budget didn’t extend to proofreading.

This one, on the other hand, is clearly an amateur effort:

I agree that shoppers shouldn’t use bare hands to pluck PASTRIES from the bin. If I have to choose between hands and TONGUES, however, I’m going with hands.

Here’s a label that tries a little too hard to be clear:

As I shampooed my hair with this product, I wondered what the alternative to SHAMPOOING SHAMPOO is. DANCING SHAMPOO? BAKING SHAMPOO? NAIL-POLISHING SHAMPOO? Theories welcome!

Also welcome: June, with or without weddings and graduations. Enjoy the month!