Tag Archives: delivery

Hiring and Firing

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Recent walks around New York give me hope that the city is rebounding from some pandemic-related woes. Businesses seem to be hiring (and occasionally firing — more on that in a moment) and a new crop of gloriously silly signs have appeared. Nothing personal, sign-writers, but could you please check your dictionaries before hanging a help-wanted notice? Otherwise you end up with something like this:

Who knew that four words could encompass so many mistakes! I’ll skip the skipped subject, because the owners of the store posting this sign are, by implication, the ones who need, well, whatever a delivery personal is. Perhaps it’s what happens to a pregnant patient after nineteen hours of labor. Maybe it’s a supply of toilet paper, left in a package room. Those delivery situations are undeniably personal, but I’m betting the sign-writer meant delivery personnel, which is good news for job-seekers. Personnel is a collective noun, so the store hopes to hire several people to handle delivery.

Which brings me to this sign:

Okay, the word personnel is misspelled, but I can live without a double N. I do object to is. A group of workers, entering individually on their own two feet, deserve the plural verb are.

This one falls into the “so close!” category:

On the bright side, the sign refers to personnel, which is the correct term, correctly spelled. Not on the bright side is deliveries. How exactly do deliveries sign in?

That’s it for hiring. Now for the firing:

The pay may be terrible at the deli where this sign appears every month or so, probably because it’s hard to find a good grilled man who doesn’t take too much time off for visits to a burn clinic.

Parting, personal advice: stay cool!

Command Performance, Part I

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Now trending: signs that command you to do, or not do, something. Also trending: ignoring the signs that command you to do, or not do, something. I found so many examples of this genre that I’m splitting my trove into two parts. I’ll start with my own command: Check these out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My friend Ellie sent me this beauty, which visually commands you not to bring cigar-smoking, wine-swilling, skateboard-riding dogs into this park. A boomerang may be tucked in there also.

Delivery people have strong arms, right? Good, because this sign commands them to be boxers or construction workers:

 

 

 

 

I guess if you’re a bicep-deprived UPS, USPS, or FEDEX employee, you’d better bring a phone.

Need a rest? Try this place:

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Enter here” and emerge four months later. No problem! But if you’re driving on the Upper West Side, this sign is definitely a problem:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not counting the absence of punctuation, the grammar is correct. The meaning? It’s perfect, but “egress”? Really? P.T. Barnum, the 19th century showman and trickster, moved the maximum number of people through his museum each day by posting a sign reading “This way to the egress.” Few equated “egress” with “exit” until they were outside, re-entry prohibited. Which prompts this question: How many New York drivers can define “egress”? And where will they park while they’re googling it? My guess: right in front of the sign.