This post is a challenge: Can you reword these well-meaning but misguided signs, all of which have “do” problems? One point for a grammatically correct answer, two for grammatically correct and punchy, and three for a revision that fits the first two categories and maintains some sort of verb. I’ll tell you what I came up with for each, but fair warning: my revisions are terrible. Ready? Then we’re off to the barber shop:
The original, “We do hot shave,” has to go. My attempts: “We hot shave.” I don’t think so. “We shave hot.” Nope. “We shave hotly.” Definitely no. How about “We stick hot towels on your face before we shave you”? Not unless the storefront widens considerably. (And when did shaving become a team effort?)
Onward, and not upward:
As it is now, this sign feels like a retort to someone who said, “I wish you tailored.” (“We do tailor!”) My revisions: “We tailor and do alterations” and “Tailoring and Alterations Done Here.” Way too formal, way too long. Your thoughts?
Last one:
There’s an easy fix: cut off the first line of the top sign. That earns two points, but can you go for a three-pointer?
I’ll tally everyone’s points. The reader with the highest score will win . . . well, nothing. But DO try anyway.
Sign #1: Hot Shaves Done on Premises. (This may not make a lot of sense, but it would probably make it to a page on Grammarian in the City and earn a clever quip from Ms. Woods.)
Sign #2: Tailoring and Alterations Done on Premises (This goes against my better judgment since I caution my students against overusing ing and ion-ending words as well as passive voice–but I was left with little choice (oops!)).
Sign #3: Hot Foods and Fresh Salads Made Daily (Can a hot food still be fresh?)
Love your answers! I would indeed find a way to get snarky about the first, and passive voice is usually avoided by me. I’m not sure whether “hot food” can “still be fresh.” I did wonder whether the sign places salad in the non-food category. Anyway, in this totally subjective and fictitious competition, I award you 3 points for the first and 2 points each for the others (length). So far you’re in the lead, with no one even close because, well, no one else has responded yet.
I was thinking:
1) We give great hot shaves!
2) Isn’t “tailoring & alterations” redundant? Anyway, my guy John says: “the alteration that should be done is adding the ‘ing’ to ‘Tailor.'” Also, I think the “we do” is unnecessary. But I would add a bottom line: We are ‘sew’ special! (Corny but cute?!)
3) Ha, I agree, cut off the “we do” here. Can’t think of anything punchy, though.
The first one, for some reason, sounds vaguely X-rated. Maybe that will be good for business? How about 2 points for that one? The second: you caught something I hadn’t noticed. Tailoring and alterations are the same. (And you’re both “sew special”!) Maybe 2 points here also. Last — my dilemma, exactly. I think they should charge for delivery and solve the problem that way. How about 1 point here. Oh, forget the points! All good, all fun.
I’m alternating my attention between this contest and the Nevada caucus. By my count I’m still in the lead here. 😊 The caucus is not going as well. Looking ahead to November, my feeling is (after I heard an author on Book TV say it) that a psychopath will always beat a socialist.
You’re still in the lead, Bill. As for the caucus- I am too nervous to watch!
Great! I DO like challenges!
My solution to the first sign is “Hot Shaving”.
I’ll fix the second by putting a “Fitting you like a glove”.
Can’t think of a solution to the last. “We ship it”? Locally, of course.
I’m glad you like challenges! “Hot shaving” works, and it’s short: 3 points. The second isn’t quite the same as the original in terms of meaning, though I like it better. Let’s say 2 points there. Shipping and delivery are different in New York City, so that one needs more thinking.