My granddaughters are perfect, and I have the photos and stories to prove it. I bet you think I’m a walking cliche — and I am! The “doting grandmother” category exists, and I’m in it. Nevertheless, I object to the use of not your grandmother’s as a descriptor, as it is in this headline:

The article accompanying this headline explained that today’s bridal couples are “branding” their weddings, with a single theme unifying the invitations, decorations, and yes, the monograms. I liked the article. I did not like the headline. Why? Because Not Your Grandmother’s serves as a trampoline. You bounce onto an assumption — that grandmothers, when they were young, followed established, staid tradition. (Hello? This is the generation that rolled around in the mud at Woodstock for three days.) Then you bounce onto another assumption — that today’s youth are unique in blazing a new, more creative path. Okay, it may be new and it may even be more creative, but it’s hardly unique to forge a path that diverges from precedent. Every generation does it.

This double-bounce is everywhere. I’ve seen it applied to recipes, root beer, stockings, haute couture (Chanel), and even cancer (endometrial). And I resent it everywhere, especially when, as in this sign, it invades one of my hobbies:

I’m ignoring the missing apostrophe because I don’t want you to think that I’m a walking cliche when it comes to grammar, too.

Here’s one that really stretches the fabric of reality:

If the headline writer had thought about this for more than a nanosecond, they’d realize that most people who retire are of grandparent age. Unless they admit only people without progeny, it’s likely some are grandmas. So this particular Not Your Grandma’s Retirement Home is in fact some Grandma’s Retirement Home. Maybe some Grandpa’s also.

Speaking of grandpas, here’s a headline that bounces off them:

I’ll end this rant with a plea. The next time you find yourself typing Not Your in a headline, hit the backspace. Your living grandparents and your future self will thank you for it.