Monthly Archives: January 2019

Presented Without Comment

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Actually, presented with only a little comment are these signs and the questions they raised when I saw them. The first involves finance:

4 – 7 p.m.?

I can only hope that the bartender doesn’t get paid by the (happy) hour, which runs from 4 to 7 p.m. I’ve given up correcting signs announcing that you get one cocktail when you buy one. What they really mean is that you get a second cocktail for free if you pay for the first one, but I won’t bother pointing that out. Seriously. I won’t even mention it.

To enter this construction site you need a helicopter:

How do you “sign at 2nd floor first” without passing through the ground floor? I’m giving the sign-writer a pass on “everyone enter” and “be orientated.”

Last one comes from a restaurant for people with extra-strong teeth:

Lacking hyphens, the four adjectives run together and provide interesting food for thought, which is the only sort of food they’re offering, according to this sign. Is it a batch-market or market-fresh? I don’t know or care, but I would prefer not to eat plates, even if they’re made from local clay, scooped out and kiln-fired at the height of the pottery season.

Nouning

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Calvin, of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strip, says that “verbing weirds language.” So does nouning, my term for changing another part of speech into a noun. I’m not necessarily against the practice, but I must admit that these signs made me pause. (Paused me?) First up is a sign from an outpost of a coffee empire that will remain nameless:

A handcrafted?

The chalk is a bit smudged, but the intent is clear. Buy “a handcrafted” after eleven and you get a cheaper (but not cheap) “lunch item.” I wonder whether employees discuss their favorite handcrafts while they’re on lunch-item break.

Moving on:

A good what?

Yes, I cropped the photo, but no, I didn’t cut any words. Nothing appeared with “daily” except clouds. I snapped this one a couple of years ago, and I still haven’t figured out what it means. Theories welcome.

Last one:

I don’t shop for new “wears” at the dry cleaners, but maybe I should. I’m going to a wedding in a couple of weeks, and even an imperfect wear would come in handy. If you have any cocktail wears you don’t need, let me know. In the meantime, have a good daily.

Advice for 2019

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A recent trip to Seattle showed me that (a) people who live in cities can, in fact, be courteous and (b) Seattle’s courtesy is reflected in its signs and (c) I have a need to find deeper meaning in everything I see.

The first two signs come from the zoo and the third from a performance space near the Space Needle. All reflect good advice (and manners) to adopt in the new year.

Zoo rule #1:

Simple, but effective. Also perhaps unnecessary, because the chain-link fence around the porcupine makes touching the animal possible only for someone with very tiny hands, which are usually attached to very short arms, which the animal is smart enough to avoid. But the principle is sound: Don’t put yourself in situations where you’re bound to get hurt.

Zoo rule #2:

The wolf pack behind this sign looked bored, and no human was howling. Thus I know the sign is effective. I don’t know whether it’s there to protect the wolves or the keepers from annoying wolf-imitators. Larger point: Be who you are, and don’t intrude on someone else’s pack.

Another boundary-related caution, set on an empty stage surrounded by a Food Court:

Moral: If it’s your turn, go for it. If it isn’t your turn, don’t.

And from me, sign-less: Have a peaceful, happy 2019!