Whatevers of the World, Unite!

I’ve written before about the modern custom of calling employees anything but. (See http://www.grammarianinthecity.com/?p=546.) Staples has “team members” (with customers as the opponent?) and Walmart has “associates.”  This trend appears to be gaining strength. Note these signs posted in a food store near me:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first one is a lie, judging by my experience, because the elevator has never actually functioned when I’m in the store. The second seems ominous; crew members entering their “quarters” are really on their way out of the building. Perhaps that’s why the elevator doesn’t work.

But let’s hear it for Starbucks, which displays this chalkboard:

I wonder if this employee’s 401K reflects her status as “partner.”  Somehow I doubt it; in fact, I doubt that she has a 401K or any other retirement plan from the coffee chain. And what’s with “quarter”? They can’t find an employee — sorry — partner of the month? I also like that she’s encouraged to show leadership “through” her peers. “Show through”? Like the crew being shown through the exit?

Lest you think I yearn for simpler times with older terms for workers, I should point out this sign is also problematic:

And the tradeswomen go where?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave aside for a moment the fact that “tradeswomen” are out of luck. Focus on the verb. The air of command in “will use” admits no possibility that someone delivering food, services, a baby, or whatever will disobey the sign and enter the same place as the front-door worthy. The sign is prescriptive, yes, but also it presumes to be predictive. Must be nice to see the future so clearly, as a crew member, a partner, a tradesman or a whatever.

5 thoughts on “Whatevers of the World, Unite!

  1. Ellie Presner

    A fascinating collection, very indicative of each company’s view of their employees!
    Did you know that employees in all Apple Computer stores are called “geniuses”? They labour out of their tech support kiosk, one in every store, called a “genius bar.” I kid you not! Of course, we Mac aficionados forgive Apple this little quirk… 😀

    Reply
  2. Gabrielle Bauer

    Love your blog. Posting a reply should be easier, though. I guess that’s a WordPress flaw. I used to have a blog called English Grammar Gripe, with its own domain name. I haven’t paid to renew the domain name, but you can still Google and find the site. My current blog, “That’s So Brazil,” is on my website, http://www.gabriellebauer.com. I invite you to have a peek.

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  3. Clare

    I am delighted to have discovered your smart and witty blog, although I am self-conscious about writing a comment, for obvious reasons. Anyway… my theory for “pick-app and deliver” is that it’s a pun on “pick up and deliver”!

    Reply

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