Logical Questions

Signs and labels typically hit you with a message that you can absorb quickly. But this quality comes with a built-in problem; you have to infer the context and the implied or possible extension of what’s actually there. Which brings me to these signs, and the logical questions they inspire. The first is a label on a soda bottle:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dieters’ delight, right? But why highlight “per 8 fl oz serving”? Do 4 ounces have half the calorie count? If so, what’s half of zero? What about 16 ounces? Does the number jump to, say, 1000 calories because the calories from the first 8 ounces are packed into the next 8, the way a “first thirty days free” subscription suddenly increases to $40/month thereafter? I bought this beverage anyway because I wanted club soda, but I would have been more comfortable with a label reading “no calories because it’s just water and a couple of minerals.” Honesty being the best policy and all.

Next up is a Valentine’s Day special, a bit late:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I understand “cookie cakes,” which I imagine combine two food groups, cookies and cakes, similar to “cronuts,” the food-fad that mixed doughnuts and croissants.  No need to discuss “heart shaped,” which is obvious. What gets me about the sign is the asterisk and its explanation. What on earth does “full legal available” mean?  If the cookie cakes were available until “Feb 21,” would they be totally illegal? Half legal and half illegal? Unavailable?

Last but not least:

 

 

 

 

 

 

At first I thought that “pick-app” was, in fact, an app. And it is! Download this code, and you’ve got a lifetime supply of pick-up lines to throw at prospective romantic partners. (No kidding. Really.) But if the sign refers to that app, how does “delivery” fit in? Does the app deliver the line, so you don’t have to say anything? Or does “delivery” refer to results —  a date or a phone number?

Theories welcome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 thoughts on “Logical Questions

  1. Anonymous

    No theories, but pithy comments:
    1) Silly.
    2) Bizarre!
    3) OK, this was obviously written by the English-challenged individual who writes those garbled restaurant menus, featuring items such as “chiken and green papers.”

    Fun!

    Reply
  2. Clare

    I didn’t see that my comment was posted so I will try again. My theory is that “pick-app and delivery” is a pun on “pick-up and delivery.” If not, it should be.

    Reply
    1. Geraldine Post author

      Hi, Clare. I am glad you enjoy the blog. Your theory about “pick app and deliver” is a good one. Please don’t be self-conscious about writing comments. Also, don’t worry if the comment doesn’t appear immediately. I have set my blog up so that I see everything before I give permission for a comment to be on the blog. I usually check once a day. Anyway, welcome! I hope you’ll comment as often as you like.

      Reply
  3. Clare

    Thanks, Geraldine! Your book English Grammar for Dummies is guiding me thought a stint of self-directed self-improvement. Shameful confession: I am a (successful) professional in the communication business (!!) who never formally learned grammar. Although my parents were punctilious, my husband is a writer (and former copy editor), the distinction between “that” vs “which” has always eluded me. Picking up your book, I realized I also didn’t know what a participle was, why one would be dangling, and other basic bits about grammar, and have been having fun with the book ever since. Your humor and empathy toward your reader are much appreciated. They make what would otherwise be a slog, fun. (oh geez, did I get the comma right in the last sentence??) With gratitude, Clare

    Reply

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