Don’t Mess with a Grandma

I more or less gave up on apostrophes a long time ago. There seems to be a cosmic jar filled with this punctuation mark, which writers shake over their texts, letting apostrophes fall willy-nilly into words. Thus I ignored this sign, which shoves an apostrophe into a plural, where it does not belong:

Tuesday's. Sigh.

Tuesday’s. Sigh.

Some grammarians call this usage a “greengrocer’s apostrophe.” (Notice the correct use of the possessive apostrophe in the term, which names a punctuation error.) Why “greengrocer’s”? My opinion, based on no research whatsoever, is that people who use this term believe a shopkeeper (greengrocer) is more likely than a non-business owner to insert apostrophes into plurals. That belief doesn’t match my experience. If I stacked all the student essays, term papers, and other writing I graded and corrected during my teaching career, the top of the pile would be within spitting distance of the moon and maybe even topple over onto a moon rock or two. Nearly all of those writing efforts included a “greengrocer’s apostrophe,” and none of the students were grocers, though many were (environmentally) green.

Though I scarcely glance at extra apostrophes, I did stop short when I saw this sign:

Granny

Granny’s combative.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The color difference between the first and last pair of lines initially led me to believe that the tavernkeeper was making a statement about grandmothers and their alleged capacity to slug someone. But I’m a grandmother, and though sorely tempted at times, I have never punched anyone. Then I noticed that no punctuation appeared anywhere at all. Perhaps the sign is a statement about grannies’ tendency to wallop cocktails, I mused. (Sidepoint: There are hot cocktails? Who knew! ) The image of grandmothers bopping martinis, mimosas, and other drinks made me wonder whether a new temperance movement was brewing. I still don’t know what the sign means. Just to be safe, I have one piece of advice: Don’t mess with a grandma, especially when she’s drinking.

5 thoughts on “Don’t Mess with a Grandma

  1. Ellie Presner

    Hilarious!! Of course the misplaced/missing apostrophe is a huge bugbear of mine. How’s this one, from a dating site:

    “Hi…like my profile say’s i am 68 divorce married twice.”

    Don’t you love/hate it!

    Reply
    1. Geraldine Post author

      Thanks, Ellie. Have you reached out to the dating site poster? There might be great material for your blog, though somehow I doubt you’d enjoy the date itself.

      Reply
  2. Sharon

    Your last two posts have highlighted the errors that make me the craziest—unnecessary scare quotes and unnecessary apostrophes. The unintended meanings are often hilarious, though!

    Reply
  3. William Cooper

    I like how the first sign says “All Day,” as if only “Tuesdays” would not have conveyed this. Otherwise the owner might have written “Every Tuesday,” and avoided the embarrassing apostrophe as well as the extra letters. What are hair and color models anyway? Are they runway models in different hairdos who parade through the salon? If so, then it would take plenty of green to hire them for the full day, and I can understand why the owner would want to crow about it.

    Reply
    1. Geraldine Post author

      Excellent question. As I’ve had the same hairstyle since 1975, I never thought to ask what a “hair and color model” would actually do. I like your theory, though!

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *